Wait. Are We On Our Own?

What do you think?

When my mother yelled at me that she “wasn’t my mother” A voice in my 7-year old head let me know, under no uncertain terms:

“You are on your own.”

I started lighting candles in my room and asking the spirits to come help me because I was on my own in that house. That vow reminded me that the people I lived with, my adopted parents, weren’t really on my side and that I couldn’t give them any more power than what they already (legally) had over me. In other words, I couldn’t give them my heart. This kid was on her own.

It became a promise to myself. A credo for survival. Harsh, right? Maybe not.

Childhood vows are the hardest ones to break.

Because decades later, I didn’t realize this mindset was still there, informing my self-talk, my decisions in everything I did…

Before they died, I made peace with my adopted parents and we healed from the bittersweet situation we were in back then. My mother had limited tools for her large emotions; now a mother myself, I have the utmost compassion for her.

It didn’t mean my childhood vow had closure.

Not at all. This belief was now embedded. Maybe the voice was right. Maybe it was…